Monday, August 31, 2009

Week 36 - August 31, 2009

I can't believe I'm 36 weeks pregnant. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in the doctor's office with Jared watching all of the other pregnant Mom's thinking how long a road I had ahead of me. 9 months seemed like a super long time.

I remember how stressful the first trimester was. I know I'm a worrier so that probably made it worse that it really was but I never thought I'd make it to the 12 week mark. And in the first trimester that's all you're living for. At 12 weeks and after seeing a heartbeat on the ultrasound I knew my chances of carrying a healthy baby increased drastically. So for 12 weeks that's what I prayed for and that's why I counted down each and every day.

After spotting a couple of times and then barfing my brains out for 8 weeks solid...I was a super wreck. In the past days would fly by and now there I was feeling like each day was a whole new journey. I never thought I didn't want to be pregnant but I will admit I was at the point of thinking maybe we should have waited. Maybe this wasn't the perfect time. Maybe I would be better prepared in a few more years. Yet each time I started to think I was stressed to my limits, I'd reach another mileston. 12 weeks came and by then I'd seen my baby's heartbeat mulitple times on the ultrasound. All super good signs. And then at 15 weeks the morning sickness was gone. Things were slowly starting to get better. This might be bearable after all...

When I look back now, it's pretty ironic that you can want something more than anything in the world, you can beg God to give you something and swear to Him that it's the only thing you'll ever ask Him for and then still have moments where you question your decision. It's the things like the first time I spotted and the look on Jared's face when I told him. It's those times that make you doubt yourself and what you really are capable of. It's the fact that at the begining you only see your doctor every month. Until your pregnant, 4 weeks seems like no time but when you are living month to month to hear your baby's heartbeat it's an eternity. I wasn't high risk, I honestly had no reason to be such a worrier, but once you know that you've got a little creation inside you all common sense goes out the window.

And then at 17 weeks we had a 3D ultrasound that completely gave us something new to focus on. Our little baby, our little creation, our little blessing....was a baby girl. I know that if Jared could have planned it, he would have chosen a boy first and then a girl the next time. But it didn't take long at all for him to completely adapt to the idea of a little girl. Suddenly the color pink became a huge part of his world. He wanted her room pink, and for her to have a night light, and for her name to be on her wall. Suddenly this super tough guy that I've known for so long, was melting for a little girl that he hadn't even thought about before.

From that moment on, the second trimester was wonderful. I felt great and didn't have a single problem. I felt her kick for the first time at 18 weeks and ever since she's been a busy little bee in there. I've never had to worry that something was wrong because she moves constantly.

The third trimester has been great too. My doctor said I'd be miserable but I honestly still wouldn't say I'm at that point. Yeah, I'm ready for her to get here but I would not say I'm miserable. I am big enough now that it's a little harder to bend over, get out of my car, roll over in bed and things like that. HA! Who knew that 24 extra pounds could make your life so much more difficult?! My fingers and toes swell occassionally if I'm outside in the heat and I can't get my wedding ring on but it's not bad. And in fact nothing would be too bad to when it comes to getting our little girl here safely.

Wow...that turned out a little deeper than what I thought I was feeling.

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